It started as one of those casual, “girl-talk-but-getting-deep” phone calls — the kind where you start with hair and end up unpacking life.

I’d just finished explaining the thought behind my outfit honoring October’s three awareness causes — orange for ADHD, pink for breast cancer, purple for domestic violence — and I’d texted her pics, because orchestrating those colors without looking like a candy aisle? That’s an art. She’s a breast cancer survivor, and she knows I live with ADHD, so it felt personal for both of us.

A few minutes later, she sent a flyer for an event she’s hosting. The headline read:

Then she said: “You know, Marquesa… you’re a survivor too. ADHD is a mental illness.”

For a second, I didn’t say anything. You ever have that freeze-frame moment when your brain goes, Wait — did she really just say that?

I love my friend. I respect her journey. But in that instant, I felt my reality being folded into a category that didn’t fit. Not because ADHD isn’t a mental health condition — it is — but because “survivor” wasn’t the word for my life. I’m not here because I didn’t die. I’m here because I learned how to live differently — loudly, strategically, joyfully — with a brain that doesn’t play by the usual rules.

That conversation is why I wrote this…

What Is Mental Illness, Really?

Mental illness is a clinically significant condition that affects thinking, mood, or behavior — including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and yes, ADHD. ADHD sits under that umbrella and is also a neurodevelopmental difference. It isn’t something you “beat” and move past — it’s how some of us are wired.

We don’t “survive” ADHD — we manage, adapt, and master it every day.

My Diagnosis Changed Everything

Being diagnosed four years ago explained why I could excel on global stages yet struggle with daily routines. I took hundreds of courses and devoured time-management books, but most systems never stuck. I was forcing neurotypical methods onto a neurodivergent brain.

Now, I design systems built for my wiring — and that shift turned exhaustion into sustainable success.

Why “Survivor” Is the Wrong Label

1) We’re born with it — there’s no cure.

ADHD is lifelong. Medication, therapy, and strategy help us manage — there’s no finish line.

2) Stigma is real — especially in Black communities.

Framing us as “survivors” implies we must hide until we’re “fixed.” We deserve to be seen while living with it.

3) Misinformation blocks healing.

“We all have a little ADHD” minimizes clinical realities and keeps people from seeking help.

4) Medication shaming harms.

For many, meds mean clarity, safety, and peace. Shaming adds guilt to an already heavy load.

5) When we share, please listen.

If our story resonates, seek a professional assessment. Otherwise, honor our lived experience instead of flattening it.

We Are Thrivers — Not Survivors

We’re not “lucky to be alive.” We’re brave enough to live differently. We navigate a world not built for our wiring and still find ways to love, lead, and light up every room we enter.

No, I’m not a survivor. I’m a thriver.

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